you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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