so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize