Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
