And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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