i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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