Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
