Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize