If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We don't watch enough power rangers
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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