winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
