R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize