Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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