The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
