I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The air was thick with penises
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
