so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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