i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
