somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
