this beer tastes like vomit already
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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