Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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