Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
