So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
