her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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