Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
