we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
