I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
