If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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