I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
