"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
