You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
