are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize