I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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