If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
