3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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