ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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