dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
