My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Bring me that man meat
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
