where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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