I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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