Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
