"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
