no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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