She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
