I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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