Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
