I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
