This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
