i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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