I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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