So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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