Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
