So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
