your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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