He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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