As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so let's talk penis.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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