My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
