We need to rekindle our bromance
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
