too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
