you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
