I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
