ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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