morning after pill = breakfast in bed
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
