Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
