im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
either way he was missing a nipple.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
