Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
operation harelip BJ is a go
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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