We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i think i just lost a toe
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
