I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
