Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
