My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
