why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
