Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
