why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
