Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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