my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
