Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
