Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
