wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
