Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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