Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
