he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
