The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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