Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
